So I haven't been writing in my blog because I gave up diet coke. And I've done a great job too, I've got a ton of little stars on my chart to prove it. I had to give up chocolate for about a month also, because its been my caffeine substitute in the past, and there was gonna be none of that this time around. I'm pretty darn proud of this:
But my brain has been mush. It's been sitting in my head, whirling it's ratty hair around one finger, picking it's nose with the other finger, and occasionally wiping the drool off it's chin.
Also, I'm embarassed. Haven't I done this- like - every year for the past forever? Ummm. yes. Yes, yes and yes. It's a joke, really, but ........ I've got to keep going, right? What can I do? Do I just give in and say whatever, for the millionth time, Or . Well. Here we are.
Forgive.
But NONE of the things that I wanted to magically happen have happened! 1. Rosacea - still bad, 2. still fat, 3. IBS - a little worse, actually, and 4. Insomnia - SO MUCH WORSE. (this always happens)
Holy Cow, I get tired of being me. Did you hear that self talk there? That's what putting me in the danger zone. The familiar, familiar danger zone. I keep catching negative thoughts bubbling out, weaseling around, trying to get me back right where my negative self is most comfortable! Addict thoughts, lies, excuses, minimizing the consequences, waffling, rationalizing, bitterness, self -pity. stinkin' thinkin' AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH........................... I'm just a dry alcoholic!
And it's OK. I'll be patient and gentle with myself. Breathe, wait, drink water. this will pass. Forgive.
So my current goal involves sugar, but I might need to make a SMART goal about keeping my thoughts out of the danger zone. (smart =specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timebased) Any ideas?
Changing the subject:
I read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. Awesome! Incredible! I don't generally read historical fiction, but she had me hanging on every word. It seems incredible that I've never even heard of Louis Zampernini, what an inspiring man! I can't recommend this book enough.
this one's for the missionary grandparents. He lost 4 teeth in one weeks time last month! One fell out, my neighbor plucked one out of his mouth when he was showing her how loose it was, One was knocked out on the slide at McDonalds, and Roger yanked one out with tooth floss at Ethan's request. Something about this picture makes me think of Jim Carey. The impish delight, I think.
Ethan tried out karate last month, and is so enamored of it that he talked me into dropping gymnastics and adding a second day of karate per week. It wasn't very hard to talk me into it, because he would lately get nauseous after each gym class that involved any kind of spinning. Maybe it's a temporary ear thing, but he would get really green!
Roger has had several serious "lay very still or you will barf non-stop" dizzy days last month. He went to the doc, who said it sounds like Minears disease, get yourself to an ENT. So naturally, he has simply taken a daily Bonine and NOT gotten himself there. His Mom was bedridden from an inner ear ailment, and his sister Sandy has intermittent dizzyness the older she gets, and goes to therapy (dizzical therapy?) for it. I'm pushing for medical intervention here! A bedridden Roger is NOT a happy Roger! The man is like the energizer bunny, but now he's crashing into walls.
I like your "dizzical therapy" comment. sorry to hear about his dizziness and your coke quitting...As a comment to how awful you feel and how the other symptoms like IBS aren't going away--I would imagine that you have some major detoxing to do, and that it might take awhile--and you might even feel worse for a while. sorry to tell ya! :( But you might consider doing a thoroughly major detox all at once--lasting about 2 weeks. I can tell you what my doc had me do if you want (it included buying some medically formulated shakes by Metagenecs) and I felt really great at the end of the detox. didn't loose weight but I could tell some of my other symptoms were much better. Just let me know and I'll email you her detox plan... in the mean time, are you taking your fish oil, vitamin D, and calcium?? and if you can find a doc/pharmacy/health food store that sells it, xymogen has a great product that helps intesines: Glutalomine. also good for the gut: digestive ensymes (a MUST for every meal), probiotics, aloe vera juice.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better! and I know you know this already, but I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT THERE!!! WHEEEEE!!!
Ooooo! Congrats on the quitting! I will congratulate you EVERY SINGLE STINKIN' TIME! Because is a hard, but cool thing to do! So there! Lila is gonna be griped about the teeth. She's older (by a titch), and has only lost the two on the bottom. Griped, I tell ya!
ReplyDeleteBut I will also tell ya... without caffiene, there is no soda. Not in my world anywhoo. Bleah.
YEAH TEH MOMMA!!!! you are such an inspiration. I too, have decided to cut things out of my life- your example has given me courage. I will not watch TV or read new webcomics. I'm seriously addicted to those things :( AND I still think that you would be helped by going gluten free, but I'm just saying. my digestive system has evened out, I'm less nauseous, and those random and ridiculous aches and pains are practically gone.
ReplyDeleteHear, hear to Bon's and Bre's comments! I forgot to mention how I admire that you keep trying. And the more forgiving you are to yourself if you fall off the bandwagon, the easier it is to get back on the next time. And with that awesome chart you have, you've set yourself up for success!! A scripture that has helped me in the last couple of days: Ether 12:4 "hope in a better world" --the world in which your body doesn't crave caffeine, in this case. My doc says that even the belief and hope in healing goes a long way to actually healing your body. something to do with the power of the psyche over the body or something...
ReplyDelete1. May have possibly stumbled upon a cure for your rosacea just moments ago. Let's talk. Also, amen to Breanne and gluten free. Seriously.
ReplyDelete2. Can't believe E has not taken karate before. It's perfect for him!!!
3. Let's slip R a mickey and load him into the car and take him to the doc. Seriously.