In the danger zone

So I haven't been writing in my blog because I gave up diet coke.  And I've done a great job too, I've got a ton of little stars on my chart to prove it.  I had to give up chocolate for about a month also, because its been my caffeine substitute in the past, and there was gonna be none of that this time around.  I'm pretty darn proud of this:

But my brain has been mush.  It's been sitting in my head, whirling it's ratty hair around one finger, picking it's nose with the other finger, and occasionally wiping the drool off it's chin.

Also, I'm embarassed.  Haven't I done this- like - every year for the past forever?  Ummm. yes. Yes, yes and yes.  It's a joke, really, but ........ I've got to keep going, right?  What can I do?  Do I just give in and say whatever, for the millionth time, Or .  Well. Here we are.

Forgive.

But NONE of the things that I wanted to magically happen have happened! 1.  Rosacea - still bad, 2. still fat, 3. IBS - a little worse, actually, and 4. Insomnia -  SO MUCH WORSE.  (this always happens)

Holy Cow, I get tired of being me.  Did you hear that self talk there?  That's what putting me in the danger zone.  The familiar, familiar danger zone.  I keep catching negative thoughts bubbling out, weaseling around, trying to get me back right where my negative self is most comfortable!  Addict thoughts, lies, excuses, minimizing the consequences, waffling, rationalizing, bitterness, self -pity.  stinkin' thinkin' AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH...........................  I'm just a dry alcoholic!

And it's OK.  I'll be patient and gentle with myself.  Breathe, wait, drink water. this will pass. Forgive.

So my current goal involves sugar, but I might need to make a SMART goal about keeping my thoughts out of the danger zone.  (smart =specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timebased)  Any ideas?



Changing the subject:
I read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.  Awesome!  Incredible!  I don't generally read historical fiction, but she had me hanging on every word.  It seems incredible that I've never even heard of Louis Zampernini, what an inspiring man!   I can't recommend this book enough.

 this one's for the missionary grandparents.  He lost 4 teeth in one weeks time last month!  One fell out, my neighbor plucked one out of his mouth when he was showing her how loose it was, One was knocked out on the slide at McDonalds, and Roger yanked one out with tooth floss at Ethan's request. Something about this picture makes me think of Jim Carey.  The impish delight, I think.  

Ethan tried out karate last month, and is so enamored of it that he talked me into dropping gymnastics and adding a second day of karate per week.  It wasn't very hard to talk me into it, because he would lately get  nauseous after each gym class that involved any kind of spinning.  Maybe it's a temporary ear thing, but he would get really green!

Roger has had several serious "lay very still or you will barf non-stop" dizzy days last month.  He went to the doc, who said it sounds like Minears disease, get yourself to an ENT.  So naturally, he has simply taken a daily Bonine and NOT gotten himself there.  His Mom was bedridden from an inner ear ailment, and his sister Sandy has intermittent dizzyness the older she gets, and goes to therapy (dizzical therapy?) for it.  I'm pushing for medical intervention here!  A bedridden Roger is NOT a happy Roger!  The man is like the energizer bunny, but now he's crashing into walls.